Helpless - tissue alert

Below is a post I wrote last week and am just getting the courage to post it. We've shyed away from sharing our inner thoughts because those of you that know us will agree we're very private people. I've decided to share this because it's a turning point of emotions for me.

Today I sit here with my arms wrapped around Colin. He snuggles into me as we rock and listen to twinkle twinkle little star playing from his mobile. He slowly drifts off to sleep and I too close my eyes moments after looking at his shirt which is covered with his lost hair. I rub his head and feel the remaining hair. One tear leads to another as the feeling of helplessness takes over. As I let my mind wonder I soon find myself asking why and the only answer I can come up with is why not as a wise women once said to me. As I wish I could take this pain and experience away from him and our family I realize Colin and our family was chosen to be part of this journey for some reason or another and only time will provide that answer. I slowly recognize my feeling of crisis is turning into a feeling of the new norm as we prepare for the last four weeks of delayed intensification and soon enter the second leg of this journey, maintenance which is another two and a half years.

I love you Colin and we will kick this together,
Mommy